


Lights Will Guide You

by black_kitty_cat



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2016-02-03
Packaged: 2018-04-08 08:18:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4297413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/black_kitty_cat/pseuds/black_kitty_cat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Steve saves Bucky from the Red Skull, the boys and Peggy go back to London to prepare for the next battle. But even in times of war, battles aren't always fought on the battlefield.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HelenaBlack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelenaBlack/gifts).



> Warning, warning! This is a WIP! Updates may be slow.  
> The M rating doesn't apply to this chapter, but it will definitely apply to future chapters.  
> This story is unbetaed. Every mistake is mine and mine alone.

 

Peggy had no idea what had happened. One minute they were celebrating the triumphant return of Captain America and the 400 soldiers he had rescued from behind enemy lines, the next she found herself in the company of Sergeant James Barnes, both staring at the closed door behind which Steve Rogers had disappeared when his superiors had finally demanded some answers.

“So you’re the girl Steve kept mentioning all the time on the way back,” she heard Sergeant Barnes say.

“So you are the boy Steve risked his life for,” she replied, turning her head to shoot Bucky an admonishing look.

Bucky had the decency to look sheepishly as he came to stand in front of Peggy, effectively blocking her view of the door that remained closed. Peggy looked him in the eye, ready to give him a sharper retort, but she was pleasantly surprised when Bucky extended his hand to her.

“The way Steve tells it, he was not the only one to risk his life. Thank you, Agent Carter.”

Peggy shook Bucky’s hand. “No need to thank me. I was only looking out for Steve.” She let go of his hand.

Bucky smiled. “Well, someone has to. It’s nice to know someone had his back while I wasn’t around,” he said, steering Peggy towards some crates. He gestured for her to sit down on one and sat himself down on the opposite one. “Did he ever tell you about that time he got beaten up behind a diner in Brooklyn?”

 

* * *

 

They had only been in London a few days when the nightmares started. Steve had tried to hide it from Peggy, even though they saw each other every day at yet another strategy meeting at headquarters. After the third sleepless night, and despite the serum, Peggy started to notice something was off. She cornered Steve in a secluded hallway after their daily meeting was over. She checked to make sure they wouldn’t be disturbed before planting herself squarely in front of Steve.

“What is going on?”

“I don’t know,” Steve said. “Why do you think something is going on?”

Peggy sighed. “I can see something’s bothering you. Please tell me. Maybe I can help.”

Steve was quiet for a minute, but Peggy could almost hear his internal monologue debating whether or not to talk to her. When he started talking, she was glad Steve’s more reasonable side had won out.

“Bucky’s been having nightmares. I’m worried about him. Some of the other guys get them too, who wouldn’t after being taken prisoner, but their nightmares seem to be less violent.”

“Violent? Sergeant Barnes’s nightmares are violent? In what way?” Peggy asked.

“There’s a lot of shouting and screaming. Sometimes it seems almost like he’s in actual physical pain. I try to wake him up before it gets too bad, but that usually ends with me ducking punches and kicks until Bucky starts noticing where he is.” Steve sounded worse than when he thought Bucky was dead. “Afterwards he can’t really remember what the nightmare was about, and if he does he ain’t telling me. He is mostly just angry with himself for being a nuisance to the others. And he seems embarrassed the nightmares are affecting him so much.”

Peggy needed a minute to think. “Could it be…,” she eventually said. “You said that when you found him, he’d been tied down and he seemed really out of it. Maybe they did something to him that’s causing all this?”

Steve shook his head. “I don’t know, maybe they did. All I know is the other guys are getting fed up with it. They haven’t said anything, at least not to me, but some of them have moved out of the barracks. I can’t really blame them.”

“Yes, you can, but that’s another matter. I think Sergeant Barnes may be better off staying in alternative accommodation. Leave it to me, I’ll take care of it,” Peggy said.

“Alternative accommodation? How will that help with the nightmares?”

“It probably won’t, to be honest. But at least Sergeant Barnes will be out of the barracks. He might feel like less of a nuisance, and if he has another episode there will be less people to witness it.”

“Where would this alternative accommodation even be?” Steve asked, still unsure.

Peggy smiled gently. “Like I said, I’ll take care of it. You just go back the barracks and talk to Sergeant Barnes.”

 

* * *

 

Steve looked for Bucky when he got back to the barracks, but he was nowhere to be found. He asked around until finally some soldiers pointed him towards a nearby bar. He walked in and saw Bucky sitting by himself at a table in the corner, an empty glass and a bottle of whisky in front of him. Steve walked over.

“Mind if I join you?”

Bucky shrugged, so Steve sat down. He noticed the bottle of whisky hadn’t yet been opened, the seal still intact.

“You plan on drinking that?”

Bucky shrugged again and looked down at the table. He started toying around with the glass, moving it from hand to hand on the table, turning it upside down and back again.

“I need to talk to you about something, Buck.”

Bucky kept playing with the glass.

“I talked to Agent Carter about those nightmares you’ve been having,” Steve said.

Bucky looked up from his glass. “Oh?”

“Yeah. She suggested we move to… What did she call it again? Oh, yeah, alternative accommodation. I still don’t really know what that means, she said she would take care of it for us.”

Bucky gave Steve a grim smile. “So, you and your girlfriend have found a solution to _my_ problem, have you?”

Steve sighed. “Look, Buck, we’re only trying to help you? We’re worried about you, and Agent Carter thinks this might be good for you.”

“Oh, she does, does she? Lucky you, picking up such a smart broad.”

“Don’t talk about her like that. Besides, she’s not my girlfriend. We’re friends, just like you and I are.”

Bucky scoffed.

“Here’s the deal,” Steve said as he got up from the table. “Agent Carter is sending someone to pick us up at the base and bring us to this new place. I’m going back there to pack up my stuff. You can either come with me, or you can stay here and stare at that bottle some more. So, what’ll it be?”

“Us? So you’re moving out too?” Bucky asked.

Steve grinned. “Of course, Bucky. Someone needs to protect the innocent women of London against your charms. I can’t risk having you out and about by yourself, who knows how many heart you’d break,” he teased.

Bucky couldn’t hold back a small grin. “Okay,” he said after a minute. “I’ll come with you.” He got up from the table, and picked up the bottle and glass. As Steve walked towards the door, Bucky went to the bar to return the glass. When he joined Steve outside, he was still carrying the bottle of whisky. Steve gave him a questioning look.

“What?” Bucky asked. “I paid for it, I’m taking it with me. Come on, Rogers! I’ll race you back to the base,” he shouted, already halfway down the road.

 

* * *

 

The car dropped them off in front of a row of terraced houses. Peggy was waiting for them outside one of them. Steve and Bucky got their bags out of the car before it drove off.

“Good evening, gentlemen. Please follow me,” Peggy said as she opened the front door. She waited until both men had made it inside before holding up a key and pointing at the nearest door. “This is the key to your flat. You should find everything you need inside.”

Steve took the key from her. “Thanks, Peggy.” He pointed towards the stairs. “What’s upstairs?”

“Another flat,” Peggy replied.

“Agent Carter, won’t the people upstairs mind if there’s suddenly two American soldiers living in the apartment underneath them?” Bucky wondered.

Peggy gave him a smile. “Given that I occupy the flat upstairs, Sergeant Barnes, I can assure you the flat’s resident doesn’t mind.”

“If we’re going to be living in the same house, you really should call me Bucky.” He winked at her.

“Right. Of course. Bucky. I suppose you should call me Peggy then.”

They smiled at each other until they were interrupted by Steve clearing his throat. “Maybe we should get settled, Buck?” he asked as he opened the door to the flat. “Thanks for this, Peggy. We won’t be a bother, I assure you,” Steve said as he waited for Bucky to enter the flat. He walked after him, turned back to smile at Peggy and closed the door.

“No need to be jealous, Steve,” Bucky said mischievously once they heard Peggy walking up the stairs. “Peggy and I are just friends. You know, like you and I are friends?”

“I know. It’s fine. So, which bedroom do you want?” he asked, moving the conversation away from Peggy.

 

* * *

 

Peggy woke up in the middle of the night. Someone was knocking on her door quite forcefully. She grabbed her dressing gown and made sure it was securely tied. She opened the door and saw Steve standing in the hallway, dishevelled and panicking.

“Steve, what’s the matter?”

“Sorry to wake you up, Peggy, but something’s happened. You wouldn’t have a first aid kit or something lying around?”

Peggy was certain the serum was the only reason why Steve wasn’t breathing heavily. He must have raced up the stairs, driven by panic.

“Wait here,” she said as she half-closed the door again and walked back into her bedroom. She had a small bag inside her wardrobe that held almost everything one would need in an emergency. She grabbed the bag and walked into the hallway, closing the door behind her. “Lead the way.”

They hurried down the stairs and into the downstairs flat, where Bucky was sitting on the couch, one hand wrapped in one of Peggy’s old kitchen towels. He looked up when he heard them enter the room.

“Why is she here? She didn’t need to come,” he half-yelled at Steve, despite his anger still mindful of the neighbours.

“I’m here now,” Peggy said, sitting down on the couch next to Bucky. “Why don’t you tell me what happened while I take a look at that?” she asked, pointing at his hand.

“I woke up and I was disoriented. I accidentally knocked something off the nightstand and I cut myself trying to pick up the shards,” Bucky said.

Steve came to stand in front of the couch, arms crossed, an unhappy look on his face. “That’s not exactly what happened, is it? You were having a nightmare, I tried waking you up, and you threw an empty bottle of whisky at my head,” he said.

While they were talking, Peggy had filled a glass with water from the tap in the kitchen. She put the glass down on the coffee table and sat back down onto the couch, putting Bucky’s hand in her lap. She cleaned out the wound with a corner of the towel Bucky had already been using.

“It doesn’t look like there’s any glass still inside the cut. That’s good,” she said, grabbing her bag. She took out a bottle of antiseptic, some gauze and a dressing. She put some antiseptic on the gauze. “This might sting a bit,” she said as she pressed the gauze against the cut on Bucky’s hand.

Bucky hissed. He looked at Peggy. “That’s not a bit. That’s a lot,” he said, supressing the urge to remove his hand from her lap.

“Oh, Bucky,” Steve said as he sat down on the coffee table, “don’t be a baby.”

“I’m not,” Bucky whined. “It hurts.”

Peggy smiled as she finished bandaging his hand. “There. All done,” she said. She pointed at the glass of water. “Now drink that, it will help with the pain.”

Bucky grabbed the glass with his other hand. “How is water going to help with a cut on my hand?” he asked doubtfully.

“It won’t,” Peggy said with a grin. “But you’ve drunk an entire bottle of whisky in one night. The water might help with the headache you’ll get in the morning.”

They all laughed, but Bucky suddenly turned sombre again. “I thought it would help.”

Steve put a hand on Bucky’s knee as Peggy put her hand right above the bandage on his hand, both trying to comfort him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Steve asked.

Bucky drank the last of the water and put his glass back down on the table. “It’s always the same,” he said. “I’m tied down on some table and I think I’m all alone until there’s all these faces floating above me. Except they’re not really faces. Not human ones at least. They’re monsters.” Bucky took a deep breath. And another one. He was quiet for a minute. “And then there’s pain. So. Much. Pain,” he whispered.

Peggy realised she had been caressing Bucky’s hand with her thumb, and she was about to stop until she realised Steve was doing the same to Bucky’s knee. She figured it could only bring more comfort to their friend, so she kept doing it.

“I thought the alcohol would… I don’t know. It made it worse actually. That’s why I threw the bottle. I woke up and I didn’t know where I was and I thought I was back there and then I saw the bottle and… Oh god,” Bucky said, looking at Steve. “I’m so sorry. I thought you were one of them.”

Bucky got up from the couch, Peggy and Steve’s hands falling away from him, and he started pacing from the couch to the wall and back. “I’m not drinking ever again. What if next time I hurt you? Really hurt you? Who knows what else I would do after another one of those nightmares?”

Steve went and stood in front of Bucky, who had no choice but to stop pacing.

“I’m so sorry,” Bucky said again. He sounded heartbroken. “You’re my best friend and I woke up thinking you were one of those monsters. You saved me from those monsters! I’m so sorry, Steve.”

Steve put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “It’s alright. You were still stuck in that nightmare. It’s alright,” he said, repeating that last bit a few times in the hopes that it would help Bucky calm down.

Suddenly, Bucky fell forward, his arms settling around Steve’s waist. Desperate hands clung to Steve’s shirt, pulling him closer. Bucky hid his face, pressing it against the undershirt Steve had worn to bed, breathing hard against the soft spot where neck meets shoulder. As a few tears landed on his shirt, Steve hugged Bucky, his arms encircling his best friend’s trembling shoulders. He softly stroked the back of Bucky’s neck with his thumb, trying to comfort him.

“It’s okay,” Steve murmured as he leaned his head against Bucky’s. “I got you.”

Peggy watched on as she saw the two men hug. While it seemed like it was Bucky who was leaning on Steve for support, Peggy knew that Steve had needed this just as badly as Bucky did. He had been worried for his best friend, that much was obvious to her when she had forced him to tell her what was going on.

As she saw Bucky press his face against Steve’s neck, his nose pressed right below Steve’s jaw, Peggy had to hold herself back. She wanted to rush forward, and try to wrap her arms around both men as best as she could. The intensity of her feelings for the two friends surprised her. She wanted to offer comfort to them both, in any way that she could. Instead she collected her stuff and left the flat, treading lightly so as not to interrupt Bucky and Steve. The last thing she saw before she closed the front door was Steve murmuring into Bucky’s ear, softly swaying the both of them from side to side as Bucky’s hands clung to Steve’s back.


	2. Chapter 2

They had been living together for a few weeks when it suddenly dawned on them that it would soon be Christmas.

* * *

For Bucky, it was the moment he opened his mail. Despite being on medical leave, his mail still arrived at the barracks. It had become part of his daily routine to go there once a day. The people in charge of the mail room had been begging him to take home a bag or two of letters sent to Steve by his many admirers, but Bucky had had a word about it with Peggy and a few days later, the United States army had thought it wise to let someone from the public relations office take care of it. So when the man behind the counter pushed a heavy cardboard box into his hands, Bucky assumed it were more letters for Captain America and he had already put it back down on the counter before he noticed the familiar handwriting that was spelling out his details.

Thanking the clerk behind the counter, Bucky picked up the box again and, feeling its weight, told himself to thank Peggy the next time he saw her for finding him a bicycle with a rack he could use on his travels through London. Making sure the box wouldn’t fall off when he started cycling, Bucky decided to change up his routine. Every other day, he had gone from the barracks to one of the many pubs where drinks were cheaper for soldiers and the women eager to please. He would usually stay there until it was time to go back home, preferably before Steve or Peggy returned, or until the landlord grew tired of Bucky nursing the same drink for hours. It had become somewhat of a game for Bucky. Every day he tried to make the drink last longer and longer. He felt bad about breaking his promise to Steve that he wouldn’t drink anymore, but Bucky figured that one drink a day wouldn’t hurt him. So he spent his days staring at a glass and charming the women of London.

But not today. He made his way back home, the trip taking a little longer with the added weight of the package. He checked the tires for dirt, unloaded the box when he made it inside, and then stored the bike on the little stroke of paving stones that separated the house from the small backyard. Bucky picked up the box in the hallway and carried it inside the flat, putting it down on the kitchen table. The box was wrapped with a liberal amount of twine, so Bucky took out a knife to cut it open. Inside he found a note and several items protected by crumpled-up newspaper. He read the note, which confirmed what he already knew: his parents had sent him a care package.

Bucky put down the note on the kitchen table and focused on the contents of the box. There were a few bars of chocolate, an envelope with some photos, a few pairs of socks. Bucky pulled out three smaller boxes that rattled when he shook them. He lifted the lid off of the one that had his name on it and found a necklace with a medal attached to it. There was a little piece of paper on the inside of the lid. Bucky once again recognized his mother’s handwriting.

_“This is a medal of Saint Jude, the patron saint of desperate situations and lost causes. It seemed fitting. Stay safe, my sweet boy.”_

Bucky closed the little box and carried it with him to his bedroom, putting it on his nightstand. He sat down on his bed and thought about home. He wondered if the bullies of Brooklyn had noticed Steve’s absence, and if Bonnie and Connie had found other men to take them dancing. He was overcome by a sudden flood of longing, a desperate yearning for home. Bucky shook his head, as if to rid himself of the ache he felt in his heart. He knew he was exactly where he was supposed to be, because Steve was here too.

He walked back to the kitchen. He set aside the two boxes that bore Steve and Peggy’s names, resisting the temptation to open them. He couldn’t wait to find out what his mother had gotten for them, and why. After digging out more chocolate bars and socks, Bucky found another letter, this time in his father’s handwriting.

_“Son,_

_Your mother and I hope this package will reach you before Christmas. We may not be able to spend it together this year, but we have arranged a gift for you. When we heard that your unit had been liberated and you would be staying in London for a while – do thank that lovely woman who called to tell us you and Steve were okay – we had a friend order it for you. You can just pick it up at the address below._

_You show those Heinies what’s what and come back home soon. We miss you._

_Dad.”_

Bucky read the address and made a mental note to ask Peggy if she knew how to get there. He put the letter down and started putting everything back into the box. Tossing in the final pair of socks, Bucky put the two small boxes on top and carried the box into his room. He stored it inside his closet, making sure to hide the boxes meant for Peggy and Steve underneath one of his shirts. His parents’ letter had reminded him that it would soon be Christmas. If he didn’t find an appropriate gift for either of them in time for the holiday, he would still be able to give them something.

* * *

 Steve realised it was nearly Christmas when he was pulled into a meeting with some colonel from the army’s public affairs office. He was led to a chair, a firm hand on his shoulder indicating he should sit down. Looking around the room, he saw a few faces he recognized from seeing them around headquarters, but he didn’t know any of the people at the table. They pushed a piece of paper his way. Steve picked it up.

“What’s this?” he asked.

“That’s a list of families we’ve picked out for you to spend Christmas with. You had a lot of requests, of course, but those are the ones we deemed most appropriate,” the colonel said.

“Requests?”

“Surely you’ve seen the posters around? ‘Spend your Christmas at home with a British family’? It has been a really successful campaign so far,” another officer replied. “Most soldiers have about 50 invitations each. You had a lot more obviously, captain.”

Steve read through the list, quickly losing count of the many titles and public offices that were mentioned.

“We need you to pick out a family so we can make the necessary arrangements. The press will want a few photos, you see.”

Steve bit the inside of his cheek. “When do you need my answer, colonel?”

“As soon as possible.”

Steve nodded. “I will get back to you, sir.” He put the list in his jacket pocket and made to get up, but was stopped when the colonel spoke again.

“There is also the matter of your fans, captain. We have hired people to write replies to all the men and women who write to you, but we feel the people back home might be more willing to financially support the war if those replies had a more personal touch.”

Another officer went on. “Do not worry, we don’t expect you to start writing all those replies yourself. We were thinking more along the lines of maybe including a nice photograph of you, in your dress uniform or perhaps even in your costume.”

The colonel took over again. “We have arranged for your costume to be sent over. One of the ladies from the typing pool will accompany you down to the room we’ve set aside for this photoshoot. And I’m sure there will be someone around who can do something to make you look a bit more presentable for these photos.”

Steve had been shocked into silence. He remained in his seat, unmoving.

“Captain? You can go now,” the colonel dismissed him.

Steve got up and walked out of the room. He was greeted in the hallway by a young woman who introduced herself as Dorothy. As she led him down the stairs and through a corridor, she told him how honoured she was to finally meet him. Or so Steve assumed, he wasn’t really listening, his head still preoccupied with what had happened in the room he had just left.

Dorothy suddenly stopped near the end of a side corridor Steve hadn’t even noticed walking through. She pointed to a door. “Here you are, Captain Rogers,” she said before knocking on the door. As soon as the door opened, she ushered him in and closed it behind him, leaving him alone with people who seemed extraordinarily concerned about his hair and face.

Nearly two hours later, tired of being prodded and treated like a puppet, Steve was released back into the hallway with only a perfunctory thank-you thrown his way before the door closed again. He realised he had no idea what floor he was on, or what he was supposed to do now. He started walking, figuring he would find a clue soon. Sure enough, he found himself standing in the main hallway a few minutes later. Taking note of the floor number, he discovered he was only one floor up from Peggy’s office.

He found her sitting at her desk, the expression on her face telling him that whoever was on the other side of that phone call must have committed an almost unforgivable offence. Steve sat down in the chair next to Peggy’s desk, waiting patiently for her call to end. He tried to look as if he wasn’t listening to her side of the conversation, but given the volume at which it was being conducted, that was hard to do.

“I do not care about your plans with Miss Oklahoma, Howard. Be here by next week or I’ll come find you myself!” Peggy slammed the phone down and turned to Steve. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said. “I can go if this is a bad time…”

Peggy exhaled loudly. “No, I’m sorry, Steve. It’s not your fault Stark’s being difficult. Did you need anything?”

“A place to hide for a few minutes? I don’t want the people from public affairs to find me. I really thought my days as a performing monkey were over.”

“They made you go through with the photoshoot?”

Steve was shocked. “You knew about that?”

“Of course I did.” Peggy shrugged. “I tried to stop them, but the higher-ups decided it was a good idea to rally more support and money. And I’m sure your fellow soldiers will be grateful for the extra homemade treats that will be coming in after those pictures are sent off.”

“Homemade treats? People send me food?”

Peggy smiled. “Women, yes. But it was deemed more appropriate to let the others share in your good fortunes. The food gets tested for poisons and then distributed. Either way, the US army decided it was too much of a risk to let you near ‘potentially dangerous food’.”

“They do know you sometimes cook dinner for me, right?” Steve teased.

“I mostly cook for Bucky. You’re just always around so you get to enjoy it too.”

Steve’s smile disappeared. “If you want to spend some time alone with Bucky, I could give you two some space, just say the word.”

Peggy reached out, putting a hand over his. “I was joking, Steve. I like spending time with both of you,” she said, squeezing his hand.

“You do?”

“I do.”

They sat in silence for a while, just enjoying the other’s company. Peggy remembered where they were and reluctantly removed her hand from his, resting it in her lap. She was lost in thought, so much so that she was startled when Steve spoke.

“Speaking of dinner, will you be home in time for it tonight?”

“I doubt it. By the time I’ll be finished ensuring Howard Stark doesn’t disappear with some beauty queen in tow again, it will be quite late. I’ll just go down to the mess and have dinner there. Why?”

“I need to talk to you and Bucky about something. It has to do with that meeting at public affairs.”

“I’ll drop by when I get home, if it’s not too late of course,” Peggy said. “There might be something I need to talk to you two about as well.”

“You should, even if it’s late. Bucky and I like knowing you’ve made it home safe. We know you can take care of yourself," he rushed to add, "and we usually hear you come in anyway, but we like to know for sure.”

Peggy smiled. “I’ll drop by.”

Steve nodded once and then got up from his chair. He let his hands rest on the back of the chair.

“So where are you off to now?” Peggy asked.

“I’m going upstairs to see Colonel Philips, ask him if they need me for anything else today or if I can leave early,” Steve said. “I’ll see you at home?”

“See you at home.”

Steve tapped the back of the chair twice with his left hand and then turned towards the hallway. When he was almost at the door, he looked over his shoulder and saw Peggy’s eyes following him. He smiled and waved goodbye.

* * *

Peggy was working at headquarters when Christmas practically fell into her lap. An envelope had been hand-delivered for her that morning, but it had taken a while before she had found the time to open it. She had spent most her day tracking down Howard Stark, trying to convince him to come back to London and continue working on special weaponry for the S.S.R., but it took Peggy threatening him with bodily harm before he agreed to leave behind his latest beauty pageant winner and get on a plane to England.

She had finally finished her last report for the day when her eyes fell to the envelope that was still standing upright against the desk lamp. Peggy didn’t need to open it to know who had sent it. There was only one person she knew who would employ someone to hand-deliver a letter, even though the delivery man wasn’t allowed to go further than the mail room downstairs.

Peggy checked her watch. She had promised Steve to stop by after work, and if her suspicions about this letter were proven to be correct, she would definitely need to talk to Bucky and him as soon as possible. Deciding to just get it over and done with, Peggy grabbed a letter opener and sliced open the envelope. She pulled out a card.

_“You are hereby cordially invited…”_

She shoved the card back into the envelope. She was half-tempted to just leave the envelope on her desk, buried underneath a pile of requisition forms, but at the last second Peggy put it inside her purse before making her way to the motor pool in search of a driver who could take her home tonight. She didn’t indulge often, preferring to walk or use public transport, but she was suddenly overcome by exhaustion.

Peggy barely noticed the city on her way home, her mind focused on the invite inside her purse. She only realised the jeep was no longer moving when the driver cleared his throat. Peggy thanked him for driving her home. She waited until he had driven off before she went inside. She closed the front door and leaned against it for a moment or two, trying to decide whether to go upstairs and change first or go straight to Bucky and Steve’s flat. She knew that if she went upstairs first, she was likely to just fall into bed and sleep until tomorrow.

She had just finished knocking when Bucky opened the door. He moved aside to let her in, closed the door and made his way to the kitchen to make Peggy a cup of tea. As he waited for the water to boil, he glanced over his shoulder and saw Peggy kick off her shoes before curling up on the couch, her coat thrown over the back of the other couch. On a whim, Bucky decided to part with one of the chocolate bars his parents had sent him. He set Peggy’s cup down on the coffee table and handed her the chocolate.

“Here, you look like you could use it.”

Peggy thanked him with a tired smile. “Where’s Steve?” she asked after her first bite.

“Some corporal dropped off our rations for this week and Steve took a few things to that house across the street, the one with all the children. He figured they could do with a treat, what with Christmas coming up and everything.”

“Good to know some people remembered about Christmas,” Peggy said. She sipped her tea and had another bite of chocolate.

Bucky laughed. “I only remembered because my parents sent me a care package. It arrived today actually. That’s where the chocolate you’re devouring came from.”

“Thank your parents from me. Chocolate was just what I needed tonight.”

“They told me to thank you actually,” Bucky said. “You called them to tell them I was okay. I didn’t even think of doing that. Thank you, Peggy.”

“I assumed they knew what regiment you were in, and when I noticed some newspapers were reporting the news as Captain America rescuing the survivors, I thought it best to let them know as soon as possible that you were, in fact, still alive.”

“Well, they’re grateful. In fact… I’ll be right back.” Bucky walked into his room and came back less than a minute later with something red in his hands. He sat down next to Peggy again, allowing her to see that he was carrying three oversized red-and-white socks. “Christmas stockings! My mother knitted them herself. These two are a bit older,” he said, showing Peggy two stockings that had his and Steve’s name on them. “But this one is brand new.” He passed the third stocking over to Peggy.

Peggy traced her name with her fingertips. “It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

“Hey, I didn’t knit it. But I’ll mention it in my letter home.” Bucky folded the three stockings and piled them on top of each other. “We should find a place to hang these.”

Steve chose that moment to walk back in. “Hang what? Oh, did you already show Peggy her Christmas stocking? Pretty neat, isn’t it?”

He stood at the door to his bedroom, tossed his jacket onto his bed and then sat down in the chair on the other side of the coffee table. The sight of Peggy and Bucky sitting cosily next to each other on the couch brought a smile to his face. He was glad he got to spend time with both of them.

“So,” Peggy said after finishing off her cup of tea and the last bite of chocolate, “what did you need to talk to us about, Steve?”

The smile disappeared. “I had a meeting at public affairs. They handed me a list of families they decided were appropriate enough for me to spend Christmas with, and they need me to pick one.” He sighed. “I had seen the posters around, but I just thought I’d be spending Christmas with you two.”

“You can’t get out of it?” Bucky asked.

Steve shook his head. “I’m sorry, Buck. They made it pretty clear that this is something I need to do. I don’t know, maybe they think it will convince people to support the war even more.”

“Of course they do,” Peggy interrupted. “They’ll probably send along a photographer and get someone to write a piece for every major newspaper here and in the States.”

“I thought we were going to spend Christmas together,” Bucky sighed. “When do you need to decide?”

“They would probably like to have my answer tomorrow. I don’t know how to choose, I don’t know any of those people!”

“Where’s the list?” Peggy asked.

Steve pulled a folded piece of paper out of his back pocket and handed it to Peggy, who immediately started reading it.

“Do you know any of them?”

Peggy briefly looked at Steve and nodded. She went back to reading. “I know all of them by reputation at least. Unfortunately, I know some of them personally too… I can’t believe this!”

“What is it?” Bucky leaned over to look at the list.

Peggy started muttering to herself. “I doubt those blowbags in public affairs connected the dots. Oh, the nerve…” She skimmed the rest of the list before throwing the paper onto the coffee table.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked. He picked up the list.

Peggy closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. Bucky’s hand came to rest on top of her knees, offering a little comfort. She laid her hand on top of his and looked at Steve. “Halfway down the list. Notice any familiar names?”

Steve looked over the names, waiting for one to pop out at him. “Oh.”

Bucky’s eyes moved from Peggy to Steve. “Can someone please tell me what’s going on?”

“My parents are one of the people the army has deemed appropriate to host Captain America for Christmas dinner.”

“Because of your connection to Steve?”

Peggy snorted. “I highly doubt that.” She leaned over the side of the couch to grab her purse. She took out the envelope that had been delivered that afternoon. “My parents invited me to Christmas dinner too. And my mother made sure to include a little note on the back: ‘dress properly, certainly no uniform, we may have a special guest join us’. If they knew who I was working with, she wouldn’t have included that sort of message. It would’ve been about me having to convince you to accept their invitation.”

“No offence, Peggy, but why would the army include your parents on the list if not for you?” Bucky asked.

“Because they live on Eaton Square.” When she saw the confused looks on their faces, she clarified. “They have money and friends in high places. My father is only a minor government official, but I have no doubt he used some of his influence to get on that list.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Bucky interrupted. “You’re rich? And you still choose to live here and be in the army?”

“My parents are rich. Daughters who go against their family’s wishes aren’t. They are also usually not put on the guest list for special occasions. Maybe they think I’ll take one look at Steve, decide I’m not needed in the army anymore and come back home.” She looked at Steve. “You’re been awfully quiet.”

“Sorry, I was just thinking. It would be a decent solution to our problem, wouldn’t it?”

“No,” Peggy said.

“What?” Bucky asked.

Steve started smiling. “No, no. It’s perfect. I accept their invitation, she takes you as a guest, and we’ll get to spend Christmas together!”

Bucky’s smile mirrored the one on Steve’s face. Peggy, however, was still annoyed. “I can’t just show up with a strange man! Besides, they didn’t say I could bring someone.”

Steve’s smile turned positively devilish. “They didn’t say you couldn’t bring someone, did they? And if you’re right and the army sends along a photographer and a journalist… Well, they couldn’t risk turning away another American soldier who misses his home and family so very much this Christmas, now could they?”

Bucky was nodding fiercely next to her. They were silent while Peggy thought about Steve’s plan. She read her invitation again. Her mother’s note was the final push she needed. She threw the invitation on the coffee table, on top of the army’s list of appropriate families.

“You, Steve Rogers, are a wicked man. We’re lucky to have you on our side.”


	3. Chapter 3

The weeks before Christmas had been busy for everyone. The day after they had made their plans for Christmas, Peggy had been ordered on a secret mission. Neither Steve nor Bucky knew where she had gone, but London somehow felt colder without her in it. They had more than enough to keep themselves occupied with though. After yet another meeting about the Red Skull’s actions, Steve had taken back a little bit of control. He was tired of receiving one bleak report after another. It had taken all day, but eventually Colonel Phillips had given him permission to start his own unit.

Steve had immediately shared the news with Bucky, and together they spent an entire evening reading through classified service records – “These are marked ‘top secret’, Bucky, so don’t tell anyone you’ve seen them.” – to pick the best men for the job. Two days later, the Howling Commandos had had their inaugural meeting. All of them had been put on medical leave after they had escaped from behind enemy lines, and their status would remain so until the army said otherwise, but that didn’t stop them from training for their first mission. There had been a few grumbles after Steve had shared his training schedule, but Bucky for one had been glad to exhaust himself during the day. He no longer had time to sit in a bar all afternoon, and his nightmares had all but disappeared, his body too tired and his brain too focused on helping Steve.

Peggy returned home after nearly two weeks. She didn’t tell them anything, and they didn’t ask, but Bucky and Steve noticed the haunted look that appeared in her eyes when she thought no one was watching. Whenever they saw that look, they tried their best to distract her. Steve had invited her to join them during training more than once, but Peggy had declined each time, telling him she was needed at headquarters to prepare the Howling Commandos’ first mission. Bucky had had more luck. A few days after she had returned, he showed Peggy the address his father had mentioned in his letter, and Peggy had accompanied him there to pick up his Christmas present.

“I can’t believe you don’t know Oxford Street,” Peggy said as they were walking along the street, dodging other shoppers.

“I’ve only been here for a few weeks! And I’ve had other things on my mind besides sightseeing,” Bucky said, trying to keep up with her. “Why can’t you Brits just use numbers like us?”

Peggy bit the inside of her cheeks, determined not to let Bucky goad her into another discussion about which city was the best, London or New York. She sped up, in the hopes that it would deter any further comments from Bucky, but a sudden stitch in her sides slowed her down again.

“Are we almost there?” Bucky asked as he manoeuvred his way around a woman pushing a pram.

Peggy pulled him to the side, out of the way of the people still walking along the pavement. “We’re here.”

Here turned out to be a record store. Peggy grabbed Bucky’s hand, pulling him inside after her. She quickly located the information desk, bypassing the queue waiting at the till. They waited patiently for the blonde behind the desk to look up.

“Hello, how can I help you today?” The woman smiled at Bucky, completely ignoring Peggy.

“Hello. My friend was told you have a package for him,” Peggy said before Bucky could open his mouth. “The name’s Barnes.”

The blonde looked at Peggy. “Wait here, please.”

Bucky watched her go and when he was sure she was out of earshot, he turned to Peggy. “Jealous much, Peggy? She was just being friendly,” he teased, lightly bumping her shoulder with his.

“I spend most of my days praying that people will ignore me, it makes my job so much easier sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it all the time.”

Bucky brought his hand to her back, intent on comforting her, but Peggy pulled away from him with a pained look in her eyes. Before he could ask her what was wrong, the blonde had returned to the desk with a flat package. Whatever it was, it was wrapped in brown paper and tied up with strings. Bucky knew he would have to wait until they had made it back home to find out what his parents had gotten him for Christmas.

“Everything’s been paid for, sir, I just need your signature,” the blonde said as she handed Bucky a pen.

Bucky signed the receipt and handed back the pen, getting his package in return. Holding the package under his left arm, he grabbed Peggy’s hand with his right hand and walked out of the store, guiding Peggy through the crowd outside. “Let’s go home.”

* * *

“This was a mistake. I can’t do this.”

Bucky was sure he wouldn’t have heard her if the street hadn’t been quiet. They had been standing on the pavement for a while. The car that had dropped them off was long gone, and he was not looking forward to potentially walking all the way home.

“Come on, Peggy. Just ring the doorbell. It’s not a big deal.”

When she didn’t look at him, Bucky wondered if she had even heard him. He heard her take a deep breath before she turned towards him.

“It is a big deal. If I ring that doorbell, there will be no going back. We will have to go in.”

“Isn’t that the plan? Spend Christmas together?” Bucky asked.

“It was. It is,” she said. “Just give me a few more minutes.”

Bucky nodded and Peggy went back to staring at the front door. He felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. They had been standing outside, almost motionless, for too long. People were undoubtedly starting to notice. He tried again.

“Your invitation said five o’clock. If we don’t go in soon, we’ll be late.”

“I know.”

“Steve will be here soon.”

“I know.”

Bucky was about to take matters into his own hands when he saw Peggy step forward and ring the doorbell. She stepped back, standing slightly closer to him than she was before. They silently waited for the door to open. Peggy was plucking at some imaginary lint on her coat, and Bucky was busy staring at his shoes, so neither noticed it when the door opened.

“Miss Margaret. Do come in, please.”

Peggy stepped forward, smiling politely at the grey-haired gentleman who had opened the door. Bucky followed her, carrying their bags into the house. The second he stepped over the threshold he felt a warmth settle over him. It was a nice change after standing outside in the cold for close to 30 minutes.

“Mister Pike, may I introduce you to my companion,” Peggy said. “This is Sergeant James Barnes of the United States army.”

“Sergeant Barnes, it is an honour to meet you. Let me help you with those bags,” Pike said as he took the bags out of Bucky’s hands.

“Miss Margaret, your parents are already in the parlour.”

“Thank you, Pike. We won’t keep you from your duties any longer. I’m sure Sergeant Barnes and I can manage by ourselves.”

“Very well,” Pike said before carrying the bags upstairs.

Peggy waited until she was certain he was out of earshot.

“Can’t you just feel the warmth?” she whispered.

“I can, actually, and it feels so good after standing outside for so long,” Bucky whispered in return, earning himself an elbow in the ribs.

“Come on, take off your overcoat,” Peggy told him.

Bucky handed her his coat and the cap he had already taken off when he had entered the house. While he waited for her to hang them on the coat rack near the door, he tried to take in as much of the house as he could. He stared at the beautiful wooden staircase that led to the second floor. There was a door to the left of it, slightly ajar, and he could hear voices coming from somewhere behind it.

“We should go on through to the parlour before Steve gets here.”

Bucky followed Peggy down the hall, doing his best not to mention the time they had wasted staring at a closed door. She led him through a door and into a small and empty sitting room. Peggy made sure the door to the hallway was closed before continuing into the room and through the open doors at the end, Bucky two steps behind her. He was so busy looking around the room that he only noticed Peggy had stopped walking when he walked into her shoulder. He whispered a quick apology and moved a fraction to the right, their arms still brushing against each other. He could feel Peggy take a deep breath as two pairs of eyes trapped them in the doorway.

“Mother. Father. Happy Christmas.”

* * *

To say they were welcomed with open arms would be a gross exaggeration. Bucky and Peggy had stood in the doorway while her parents interrogated their daughter. They were less than impressed with Peggy for bringing home a guest unannounced, and they did their best to ignore him. As a result, Bucky looked on in silence as Peggy’s parents demanded to know what she had been thinking, showing up with a stranger for Christmas, and why she hadn’t worn a nice dress instead of her uniform. The longer this verbal tennis match between Peggy and her parents took, the tighter the noose around his neck started to feel. He balled up his hands into fists, to keep himself from loosening his tie. Peggy had insisted he wore his full uniform, including his tie, despite his repeated objections against the piece of cloth.

“If we are supposed to entertain two American soldiers for Christmas, we should be granted double the provisions. Those are the rules,” Peggy’s father said.

Bucky forgot all about his tie.

“Two American soldiers? Unless I have forgotten basic arithmetic, I am certain I have only brought one American with me. Who is the other American you and mother have invited?” Peggy asked, daring her parents to tell her.

“We don’t yet know,” Peggy’s mother replied hastily. “We applied for the programme, and we were assigned someone. The army dropped off his provisions yesterday.” She looked over Peggy from head to toe. “He should be here shortly, Margaret. Maybe you can go upstairs and change into something more appropriate. I was expecting this. Why must you always be so difficult? There are a few dresses hanging in your bedroom. They should fit you,” she finished, her tone of voice downright biting.

Bucky was expecting Peggy to stand up to her mother, but to his surprise she bowed her head and left the room. He had a few seconds to decide between following her or staying in a room with two people who had just turned the strongest woman he knew into a timid little girl. By the time he had made his way back to the hallway, Peggy was already halfway up the stairs. He tried to call after her, but she either didn’t hear or chose to ignore him. He wanted to follow her, but he knew they both would be in even bigger trouble if he did.

The hallway was colder than the parlour, and there was a nasty draft. Bucky buried his hands in his trouser pockets, hoping to keep them warm, and leaned against the wall in an attempt to avoid the worst of the draft. He tried to keep himself entertained by making a Fibonacci sequence. He had gotten up to 196418 when he heard a creak. He pushed himself off the wall and waited for Peggy to make it down the stairs. She was wearing a stunning green dress, and Bucky once again noticed the strange thumping sensation he sometimes felt when he was around her or Steve.

“You look beautiful,” he said when she stood before him.

She smiled. “Thank you.”

“I mean, you are beautiful. You always look beautiful, and in your uniform too, of course, but I’ve never seen you in a dress, and I…,” his words trailed off.

Peggy chuckled. “You are quite handsome yourself,” she teased. She reached out a hand towards his chest, settling it right beside his tie. She could feel his heartbeat underneath her fingertips. “Thank you for wearing a tie. I know you don’t like it, but it really does mean a lot to me.”

Bucky acted on impulse and found himself hugging her tightly, his arms wrapped around her waist. He had taken Peggy by surprise, and in the next few seconds Bucky’s mind had jumped from panic to fear and back to panic. Steve had told him how Peggy dealt with soldiers who got too fresh with her. He had been about to release her when he felt the weight of her arms settle on his shoulders. He hugged her tighter and took a deep breath, inhaling her scent. She smelled faintly of vanilla and something else that Bucky couldn’t place. He felt some of the tension leave Peggy’s body.

“Don’t we need to go back in and face your parents again?” he asked.

Her hair brushed his cheek as she shook her head. “A few more minutes. Please.”

Bucky was happy to oblige. He focused on nothing but the hug, Peggy’s breath against his neck anchoring him in the moment. They began softly swaying from side to side, the rhythm only clear to the both of them. They lost all sense of time and space, until they were brought back down to earth by the sound of the doorbell. They quickly let go of each other, Peggy smoothing down her dress, as the sound of footsteps came closer. Pike appeared at the side door and shot them a pointed look.

“We should go back to the parlour,” Peggy whispered to Bucky, taking his hand and dragging him with her.

* * *

Steve’s welcome into the Carter household was a lot more pleasant, partly thanks to the journalist and photographer who accompanied him. Mrs. Carter couldn't stop fawning over him, while Steve had the hardest time getting out of the tight grip Mr. Carter had on his hand and shoulder. A public affairs officer directed the photographer to take pictures of every handshake and smile.

“Perhaps we can take a picture of the family and Captain Rogers standing around the beautifully decorated tree?”

As her parents and Steve made their way to the tree, Peggy grabbed Bucky by the arm and walked over to the tree with him. She could hear her mother tutting, getting ready to say something, but the public affairs officer beat her to it.

“Maybe it would be better to only have the family and Captain Rogers? It makes for a nice balance, you see? Two men, two women, one tree? And Captain Rogers should really be the focus here.”

“He’s a soldier too,” Steve said.

“James is family,” Peggy said at the same time.

Bucky cleared his throat. He hoped he wasn’t blushing, though the combined stares of Peggy and Steve did absolutely nothing to help him. He started to move away. “It’s okay, really,” he said, but was interrupted by a very determined Peggy.

“Nonsense,” she said, taking his hand and pulling him closer to her and Steve. “Now be quiet and smile, it’s Christmas.”

The photographer worked quickly, and a few minutes later everyone was sitting down again, talking to the journalist. Per the instructions from the public affairs office the journalist kept his questions casual, asking them about family and Christmas traditions. The interview was cut short, however, when Pike appeared in the doorway to announce that dinner was ready. Everyone moved to the dining room, where another dozen or so photographs were taken of the happy family and their two guests. The public affairs officer confirmed their attendance at lunch the next day and made sure the journalist and photographer had all they needed for now. Pike led them back into the hallway, leaving Peggy, Bucky and Steve all alone with her parents.

The mood at dinner was tense, so much so that Bucky wondered if Steve and his superhuman vision could actually see the tension. Either way, he decided that Steve should be the one to break the silence. He delivered a well-placed kick to Steve’s shin and had a short staring contest with him across the table, which ended when Steve looked down at his plate and cleared his throat before addressing Peggy’s parents.

“Mr. and Mrs. Carter, thank you for inviting me to spend Christmas with your family.”

“Oh no, thank you, Captain Rogers. It is an honour to have you,” Mrs. Carter said. At the other end of the table, Mr. Carter grumbled a few words of assent.

“You have a very lovely home. And the food is amazing.”

“My cook does what she can. Of course your provisions did help us. I just hope we will have enough food for everyone. Our party did end up being slightly bigger than I was expecting,” she said, glaring in Bucky’s direction.

Steve feigned ignorance. “Sergeant Barnes, did you not bring your provisions with you?”

“I’m afraid not, Captain. I have to admit I gave them all away to a few families in need.” He turned towards Peggy’s mother. “Mrs. Carter, if I had known your family was in need also, I assure you I would have brought them with me.”

“Yes. Well. I suppose we will find a way to manage,” Mrs. Carter said sheepishly.

Both Steve and Bucky were no longer paying attention to Mrs. Carter though. They were too concerned about Peggy, who had been pushing the same piece of carrot around her plate during that entire exchange. It seemed they weren’t the only one who noticed.

“Margaret, did you know that Captain Rogers saved 400 prisoners a few weeks ago?” Mrs. Carter said before turning back to Steve. “My daughter is in the army too, you know, although she is just sitting behind a desk in some office. If you ask me, the army is no place for a woman. And why she wanted to join up to end up as a secretary, I simply do not know.”

Bucky waited for Peggy to correct her mother, but when she stayed awfully quiet next to him, he wanted to do it for her. “Ma’am, I can assure you,” he started to say, but a hand on his arm stopped him. He looked at Peggy, who shook her head, defeat in her eyes. He decided to follow her lead and fell silent again.

Mr. Carter hardly said anything throughout the entire evening, but his wife more than made up for it. She kept the conversation going, but mainly spoke to Steve, only talking to her daughter when she wanted to point out another one of Steve’s virtues. Thankfully her mother did not expect her to reply, because Peggy stayed silent throughout the entire evening. Steve tried to engage her and Bucky in the conversation, but between Peggy’s silence and Mrs. Carter’s tendency to ignore Bucky, that proved to be an impossible task.

After all the plates had been cleared away and the last of the wine had been drunk, Mrs. Carter summoned Pike back to the dining room. She whispered a few instructions for breakfast the next day and then turned to Steve, Peggy and Bucky.

“Pike has prepared your old room for you, Margaret, so you will be staying there. Captain Rogers, you will be across the hall from Margaret. Sergeant Barnes, although we did not know you would be joining us, we did manage to find you a room. It’s on the same floor as Margaret and Captain Rogers’ rooms, but at the end of the hall. I trust you will find it to your liking.”

The dismissal was clear in her voice, so all three of them got up from the table. Pike led them up to the second floor, informed them when breakfast would be served the next day and then left them standing in the hallway. Peggy didn’t wait for him to disappear down the stairs. She wished Steve and Bucky a good night’s rest and disappeared into her room. Steve and Bucky looked at each other and shrugged, following her example.


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky didn’t need Steve’s superhuman hearing to notice the shouting down the hall. He had barely gotten out of his uniform when it started, and now he was pressed up against his door in nothing but a pair of pyjama pants, trying to decide whether he should intervene or not. He waited another minute, but once it became obvious that the shouting wasn’t going to stop any time soon, he opened his door and tiptoed down the hall. He was about to knock on the door to Peggy’s room when he felt someone pull him backwards quite forcefully. He stumbled into the other bedroom, nearly colliding with a dresser.

“Sorry, Buck. Didn’t realise I’d pulled that hard.”

Bucky waved off Steve’s apology. “What’s going on?” he asked, tilting his head in the direction of Peggy’s room.

“Mrs. Carter came upstairs and a minute later, the shouting started. I’ve been trying not to listen too closely, but it’s hard to ignore.”

“So, what are they fighting about?”

“It started off being about that dress, but now they’ve moved on to you. Peggy’s been defending you though,” Steve said.

“Really? Your girl’s been defending me?”

“Of course she’s been defending you. And Peggy’s not my girl. Her mother seems to think she’s your girl, in fact.”

Bucky grinned. “I bet Mrs. Carter just loves the idea of having me as a potential son-in-law.”

“Can’t you hear it? She’s shouting it from the rooftops.”

Bucky stepped closer to the door again, trying to hear what was being said in the other room. The shouting was more audible here than in his own room, but he still had trouble making out the words. He was fully leaning against the door, his ear pressed up against the wood, when he suddenly felt a warmth settle over his back. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw that Steve was leaning against the door too, his body mere inches away from Bucky’s.

“Is your superhuman hearing failing you?” he teased.

“No.”

Steve’s whispered reply brought forth a gust of warm wind that caressed Bucky’s neck. Bucky felt a shiver running down his spine. He tried to speak, but couldn’t find his voice. He cleared his throat and tried again.

“So what are you doing?” Bucky whispered.

A hand settled on Bucky’s hip, right on the elastic of his pyjama pants.

“I’ve missed this. I’ve missed you.”

“We can’t.”

“It’s Christmas.” Steve pouted. “I’ve been a good boy this year. Don’t I deserve a present?”

Bucky groaned. “We can’t do this, Steve. Not here. Not anymore.”

Steve pressed closer, his other hand coming around to slide up Bucky’s chest until it was resting over his heart. He kissed Bucky’s neck, lips fluttering against the sensitive skin behind his ear.

“Why not?” he whispered.

Bucky let out a soft groan. “I don’t know,” he said as he turned around. “I forgot.” He kissed Steve, hungry lips sucking on Steve’s bottom lip. “It’s weird to do this now,” he said after he released Steve from the kiss.

“You’re not used to kissing someone taller than you?” Steve asked as he dragged him towards his bed.

“Taller, yeah, that must be it.” Bucky let himself fall backwards when Steve pushed him. He landed on the bed with a soft grunt. “It has nothing to do with the room or the house or the fight going on across the hall. It must be that very impressive physique you suddenly have.”

Steve swung his knee over Bucky’s hips so he was straddling him. He took Bucky’s hands and put them on his thighs. “I knew it.” He bent forward to kiss him again, resting his forehead against Bucky’s. “I knew you were staring. I could feel your eyes on me.” He let his weight rest on Bucky’s lap. “I think I can feel something else now too.” He winked.

“Good God. I forgot how bad you were at flirting.” Bucky let his head fall back against the pillow.

Steve kissed his way down Bucky’s neck towards the dip between his collarbones and further down to his chest. “Flirting? Is that what you think I’m doing?” he asked, his lips dragging over one of Bucky’s nipples. “I thought we were way past flirting.”

He tried to flip them over, to get the upper hand, but Bucky knew it was a lost cause. He surrendered himself to Steve’s lips and fingers as they teased his nipples. He gritted his teeth to keep himself from moaning. He could still hear the fight going on in the room across the hall. The last thing he wanted was for Peggy’s mother to have even more ammunition in this battle against her daughter.

“Bucky? You still with me?”

He looked at Steve, who had lifted his head up from marking his skin with his mouth. Bucky felt a warm tingle spread all through his body. He smiled at Steve and caressed the side of his face. With one hand on the back of his neck, he brought Steve closer. Bucky leaned in and kissed him.

“Come on, Captain. Put that pretty mouth of yours to good use.”

Steve grinned and moved back down Bucky’s body. He softly bit down on Bucky’s hip, soothing the skin with his tongue, and pushed the elastic of his pyjamas down. He sat up on his knees and continued to pull Bucky’s pyjamas off, leaving him completely naked before him. Steve licked his lips in anticipation. He saw Bucky do the same. He put a hand on Bucky’s knee, slowly sliding it up and down his thigh.

“You look like you belong in some art gallery. God, I wish I had my sketchpad here with me.”

Bucky grinned. “Don’t you have enough drawings of me yet?”

“Never.”

A loud slam of the door across the hall brought both of them back down to earth. They stared at each other for a few moments before Steve got up from the bed and turned around to face the door. An awkward silence descended over the room. Bucky put his pyjamas back on and shuffled over to Steve. They both stared at the door, seemingly waiting for something to happen. After a minute or two, Bucky turned to Steve.

“Should we do something?”

Steve scratched his neck. “I don’t know. Maybe Peggy doesn’t want us to intrude on whatever that was.”

“Yes.”

“If anyone were to saw us enter or leave her room in the middle of the night, it would cause her trouble.”

“Yes.”

“Maybe she wants to be left alone.”

Bucky nodded. “All very good reasons. We should still check on her.”

Before Steve could stop him, Bucky had opened the door to his room and walked across the hall. He softly knocked on Peggy’s door, both he and Steve waiting to hear movement from inside the room. He was about to go back to Steve’s room when he heard Peggy’s footsteps approaching.

“I’m very tired, father. I’m going to bed,” she said through the door.

“It’s us. Open up and let us in.”

To Bucky’s relief, Peggy opened the door. He waited for Steve to enter before walking into Peggy’s room. Once they were all inside, Peggy closed the door and turned to look at them.

“Can I help you with something?” she asked as she double-checked the knot on her dressing gown.

“We were worried about you,” Steve said.

“We could hear you and your mother,” Bucky added.

Peggy sat down on the edge of her bed. She looked down at her feet and sighed. “Of course you heard that,” she muttered. She looked back up and saw they were both still standing where she had left them. “Oh, sit down.”

Bucky took the plush chair in front of the dressing table and set it down closer to the bed. When he sat down, his knees were almost touching Peggy’s. Steve looked around to find another chair, but couldn’t find any. He was about to sit down on the floor when Peggy patted the spot next to her on the bed. Steve sat down, his hands resting on his knees, the tips of his ears slightly more red.

“What happened?” Bucky asked.

“As it turns out, I am wasting my life and should get married as soon as I can find someone who will have me.” Peggy stood up and began pacing around the room, gesticulating wildly. “However, such a person may be hard to find, because no decent man will want to have a wife who was in the army, and certainly not if she associated herself with the likes of you.” She pointed at Bucky and Steve before throwing her hands up in the air. “What was I thinking? I wanted to make something of my life, help win the war. I wanted my life to mean something. I didn’t want to be a wife and a mother before I had the chance to be myself.” She turned back to face Bucky and Steve. “But apparently, I was all wrong, and now my life is ruined, and I have brought shame upon this family.” She slumped down next to Steve, slightly out of breath and clutching her side.

An awkward silence descended over the room. Steve and Bucky looked at each other, willing the other to be the first to say something. Bucky won the battle when Peggy sighed and leaned closer to put her head on Steve’s shoulder.

“So, um, did your parents like us?”

He was rewarded by a kick to the shin from Bucky and a derisive snort from Peggy.

“Sorry, that was a dumb question.”

Bucky cleared his throat. “I guess we’re going home as soon as possible tomorrow morning? No Christmas lunch?”

Peggy sat up. “No, we’re not. We will have lunch, everyone will be civil to each other, and then we’re going home.”

“Okay,” Bucky said.

“Whatever you want,” Steve added.

They sat in silence for a while, until Steve felt Peggy shivering. He got up from the bed and slapped Bucky’s shoulder. “We should let Peggy get some rest.”

Bucky made to get up, but Peggy put a hand on one of his knees. “Please, don’t go.”

“You’ve had a stressful day. And you were shivering just now, so you must be cold. We should go so you can get into bed.”

Peggy stood up. “So I will get into bed. You two can stay. If you want.”

“Peggy, are you sure?” Bucky asked, uncertain.

She nodded. “I don’t want to be alone just yet.”

Bucky looked at Steve. “So we’ll stay.”

Peggy loosened the knot on her dressing gown and shrugged it off.

“What are you wearing?” Steve exclaimed.

She crawled into bed, settled down in the middle and got comfortable, putting an extra pillow between her back and the headboard she was leaning against. “You didn’t expect me to be wearing a long white nightdress, did you?”

“You’re wearing pajamas, like us.”

“So? They’re comfortable and practical. What do you think I wear to bed when we’re out in the field?”

Bucky laughed as he saw Steve was blushing. “I think we all know what he’s imagining,” he teased.

Steve opened his mouth to reply, but he couldn’t find the words he needed. He closed his mouth again, inwardly praying the flames on his cheeks would die down.

Bucky turned his attention to Peggy. “Are you warming up a bit, underneath those blankets?”

“It’s a bit better, but if I’m perfectly honest with you, I’m still freezing.”

He pointed his thumb towards Steve. “You should have him in there with you. He’s always running hotter than normal these days.”

“It’s a side effect.”

“I figured as much.” Bucky looked at Steve. “Come on, Rogers, help her warm up. You were the one who was so worried about her being cold.”

“Good idea,” Peggy said, interrupting Steve’s objections. She lifted the covers to her right. “Get in.”

“Are you sure?”

“She wouldn’t have offered it otherwise, right? Would you, Peggy?”

“Of course not.”

“Okay then. In you go, Steve.”

He got into the bed and turned onto his side, facing Peggy and Bucky, one arm underneath his pillow and the other clutching his leg through the duvet. “Are you sure? This isn’t weird for either of you?”

“Not at all,” Peggy replied as she too turned on her side, her back leaning against Steve’s chest. She hugged herself and let out a contented sigh.

“Now what?” Steve asked. “We just lie here with Bucky staring at us from his chair?”

“Good point,” he said, putting the chair back in front of the dressing table. “I’ll just go back to my room.”

“Nonsense.” Peggy lifted the covers again. “There’s plenty of room left,” she said as she scooted closer to Steve.

“Really?” Bucky asked, inwardly cursing himself for sounding so hopeful.

Steve shrugged, and Peggy patted the empty spot. “Get in here before I lose all the heat.”

Bucky got in the bed next to her, trying to squeeze himself underneath the covers without getting too close to Peggy. He turned onto his side, facing her and Steve. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Peggy replied. “Are you afraid I’ll bite?”

“No!”

“Then get closer. You’ll tumble out of bed if you don’t.”

Bucky moved around, ending up so close to Peggy and Steve that he ran out of room for his hands to stay in – as he was calling it to himself – a safe place. Seeing no other alternative, Bucky used his right arm as an extra pillow, as his left hand found its way to Peggy’s waist. He made sure to keep his touch light, so as to not startle her, but he could see her flinch.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he pulled his hand back.

“What’s wrong?” Steve asked, popping up from behind Peggy’s shoulder.

“It’s okay.”

“You flinched.”

“Why did you flinch?”

Peggy huffed and pulled up her pyjama top, giving Steve and Bucky a clear view of a rather nasty-looking bruise. “I had a little accident during my last mission,” she said as Steve sneaked his hand under the covers to run his fingers softly over the bruise.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

Peggy tugged her top back down, taking Steve’s hand to put it on her waist. She then took Bucky’s hand and put it next to Steve’s. “You didn’t hurt me. I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Are you sure?”

She smiled. “I’m okay.”

“Are you?” Steve asked. “What happened?”

“As it turns out, jumping out of a moving bus is easy, but the landing is quite hard.”

“Do not joke about that. Why were you jumping out of a bus?”

“Was it a secret mission we’re not supposed to know about?” Bucky asked, offering her an easy way out.

Peggy smiled at him. “It was. But there’s really not much to tell. I followed my target onto the bus, I stole something of theirs, and I needed to get away fast.”

“You couldn’t just wait until the next stop?”

“Steve, I am fine.”

“Fine. Fine. Just try not to do that again next time?”

Bucky snorted. “Says the guy who jumped out of a plane into enemy territory.”

“That was to look for you.”

“Oh? I thought that was to save 400 captive soldiers?”

“Oh lord, not this again,” Peggy sighed.

“Actually,” Bucky said, “I’m more interested in why you went along with Steve’s ridiculous plan.”

“I had faith in him,” she said. “I knew you were his main motivation, and I used that to help rescue 400 men everyone else had given up on.”

“So you must have been glad when he came back with all those men?”

“I was.” Peggy scooted a bit closer to him. “But I am really happy he came back with you.” She pressed a soft kiss against Bucky’s lips, before slowly turning over and doing the same to Steve. “Thank you.”

All three fell silent after that, all lost in their own thoughts. Slowly they grew tired, the soft bed and their shared warmth under the covers making it very hard to stay awake.

“What are we doing?” Bucky whispered after a while.

“I don’t know. Peggy?”

“Finding a light in the middle of the darkness?” she murmured, not bothering to open her eyes.

Bucky hummed. “Sounds good.” He burrowed deeper under the covers and closed his eyes again.

Steve let them sleep for a few minutes, staring at them. His arm was stretched out over the both of them, his hand resting on Bucky’s side. When Peggy began to snore softly, he gently shook Bucky awake.

“We should go,” he whispered, getting up.

Bucky nodded and reluctantly traded in the warm bed for the cold room. Peggy immediately turned over on her back, pulling the covers tights around herself. Bucky bent down and pressed a kiss against her forehead. Steve did the same. She smiled.

“Sweet dreams,” she sighed.

“You too,” Bucky said as he and Steve walked to the door, making sure to close it silently behind them.

Out in the hallway, Bucky and Steve stood awkwardly next to each other. “I guess this is good night,” Bucky whispered.

Steve merely nodded, but when Bucky began to walk away, he grabbed his hand and pulled him closer again, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. “Good night,” he said, still holding on to Bucky’s hand.

He smiled and squeezed Steve’s hand before walking away again, his hand slowly sliding out of Steve’s grip. He didn’t turn around again until he got to the end of the hallway. He opened the door to his room and looked over his shoulder to see Steve still standing in front of his own bedroom door. Bucky walked inside and waved at Steve as he closed the door. He let himself fall against the door and he stayed there until he heard another door click shut. Then he got into his cold bed, his final thought before falling asleep a desperate wish to still be in that warm, safe bed down the hall.

* * *

Breakfast was a quiet affair. When Bucky asked if they should wait for Mrs. Carter to join them, Peggy explained that her mother usually had breakfast up in her room. After that, nobody had said another word. When the doorbell rang, Peggy jumped at the chance of escaping the uncomfortable silence.

“I’ll get it.”

“Nonsense.” All three of them looked at Mr. Carter, who had just spoken to them for the first time that morning. “Sit down. Pike will go and see who is at the door at this ungodly hour.”

The butler nodded and left the room as Peggy sank back down on her chair. Silence once again settled over the room, disturbed only by the faint sound of Pike talking to the stranger at the door. A minute later, they heard footsteps approaching the dining room.

“Sir, there is a Corporal O’Reilly here to see Miss Carter.”

“Let him in, I suppose. Margaret, you know this man?”

Peggy shook her head. “I can’t say that I do.” She looked up to see the corporal enter the room.

“Agent Carter?”

“Yes, Corporal O’Reilly?”

“Colonel Phillips requests your immediate presence at Headquarters, ma’am.”

“Did he say why?” Peggy asked as she got up.

“He only said that your expertise was needed and that I was to bring you back as soon as possible.”

“Very well. Father, we’ll be going now. Captain Rogers, Sergeant Barnes, if you could please go upstairs and collect your things. I don’t think we should keep Corporal O’Reilly over here waiting.” She turned towards him. “You will drop off Rogers and Barnes at their flat before taking me to Colonel Phillips.”

Despite his clear orders, the corporal nodded. "Yes, ma’am.”

Bucky and Steve left the room as fast as they could, Peggy following right behind them while arguing with her father.

“You are not going anywhere, Margaret. It’s Christmas! Your mother and I invited you back home to spend the holidays, you will not abandon us to go play secretary to some Yank!”

She turned around halfway up the stairs. “I was given an order by that Yank, as you so eloquently put it. In case you hadn’t heard while you and mother were busy entertaining, we are at war. If I am needed on Christmas Day to go and help, I shall do so, even without your approval.”

By the time she made it to her room, Bucky and Steve had already finished packing. They were waiting for her in the hallway.

“Peggy, are you okay?” Steve asked.

She ignored his question. “You can go and wait for me downstairs. I’ll be down as soon as I get out of this dress and back into uniform,” she said as she closed the door behind her. She allowed herself a minute slow her breathing, clutching her side as she leaned against the door. “Thank God for Colonel Phillips,” she whispered.

Not even ten minutes later, their bags were packed into the jeep parked outside. Corporal O’Reilly was already behind the wheel. Peggy said a brisk goodbye to her parents in the hallway and walked out to take her seat in the jeep as she waited for Bucky and Steve to join her.

“Mr. and Mrs. Carter, thank you so much for inviting us. I’m sorry we have to leave so soon,” Bucky said as he shook hands with Peggy’s father. “I’m sure you can understand why Peggy has to go.”

“Not really,” Mrs. Carter snapped.

“Don’t you think that it’s a bit unreasonable of you? They need her. You’re expecting her to ignore an order from a colonel, even though she’s the best we have?”

“I thought Captain Rogers was supposed to be the best,” Mr. Carter sneered. “You saved all those prisoners, didn’t you?”

Steve smiled. “Oh, but I couldn’t have done it without your daughter. She’s pretty spectacular at what she does. But I don’t have to tell you that, do I? Anyone who’s willing, can see that.” He patted Bucky’s shoulder. “We shouldn’t keep Peggy waiting any longer. Let’s go.”

They walked outside, leaving Peggy’s speechless parents behind in the hallway. As they got into the jeep, Peggy turned around in her seat. “What took you so long?”

“We had a few things to say to your parents,” Bucky replied. He and Steve shared a smug grin.

Peggy shook her head. “I don’t even want to know,” she sighed. “Thank you, though, for whatever it was.” She smiled at them before turning back around. “Drive, O’Reilly. I’ve got work to do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update. Sometimes life just gets in the way, you know? But if you're still here after waiting so long for this chapter... Thank you.


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